Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
