Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
