on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
