Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
