ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
