it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
