hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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