I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
