Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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