I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
