She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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