Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
