I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
