Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
