there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
