Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
