it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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