After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I cut my penus on the lid.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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