Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
