just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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