Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
