I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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