So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
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Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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