maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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