dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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