I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
oh god was she eating orange peels again
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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