i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
