high people should be assigned attendants
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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