I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
