so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
