Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
