How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it was like eating out sand paper
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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