I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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