I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
