i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
