he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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