Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
