i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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