I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
