Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
