He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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