Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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