I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
In America we eat man semen.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
