I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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