getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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