I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
