I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
