i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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