i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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