I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
