you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
