Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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