And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
is that a dick in a sweater?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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