There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
