ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
