yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
