No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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