hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
