i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
