Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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