I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
