is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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