she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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