my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
