Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
