Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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