I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
