Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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